Occurrences at Northern: Continental capers and the Gents Tournament!

Greetings Northerners,

"Consciousness was upon him before he could get out of the way; not for him the slow, gracious wandering from the halls of sleep, but a summary, forcible ejection. He lay sprawled, too wicked to move, spewed up like a broken spider-crab on the tarry shingle of the morning. The light did him harm, but not as much as looking at things did; he resolved, having done it once, never to move his eyeballs again. A dusty thudding in his head made the scene before him beat like a pulse. His mouth has been used as a latrine by some small creature of the night, and then as its mausoleum. During the night, too, he’d somehow been on a cross-country run and then been expertly beaten up by a secret police. He felt bad."

That, dear reader, was a short quote from the novel Lucky Jim by Kingsley Amos. It remains a frighteningly accurate description of the authors condition last Friday morning waking up in Brussels.

Without further ado, a short insight into the last few weeks, and week to come at Edinburgh Northern.

Senior Tour

The reach of tour prosecution - Saruman - is long and the iron fist of the Tour Court Judge - Sauron - unrelenting.

I shall therefore attempt to surmise the weekend for those of you who were not there, whilst paying appropriate homage to the adage of "what goes on tour, stays on tour."

28 intrepid young men and myself set out for Europe on Thursday morning. Departing Edinburgh bright-eyed, bushy tailed and of course kilted, it took only a matter of hours for the finest beers known to humanity to assert themselves upon the touring party.

Day One built nicely. A 2hr delay in Edinburgh airport, followed by two hours at a glorified KFC at Charleroi ensured several well-lubricated tourists lubricated the wallet of a local taxi driver rather than getting the €10 bus. Spoiler - it was significantly not a cheaper deal. Italian food, limoncello, an Irish bar, another Irish bar, another Irish bar. Karaoke.

Day Two was more ordered, then chaos. Eggs Benedict, Court, 5* lunches, rooftop bars, treasure hunts and Pippin delicately removing a local characters sock with his mouth. A biere celler complete with it's own Glaswegian troll. Dodgy shirts, more Irish bars, more karaoke, lagerket.

On Day Three, we played a game of rugby against Brussels Celtic on the Saturday. The final score doesn't really matter, but it was many tries to less than many. Rugby won, Edinburgh Northern did not. What truly mattered was that lifelong Palace fan Tom Horton got to see his team win the FA Cup shortly afterwards. More pints, more court, a revirginisation (apparently). Karaoke.

On Day Four, we got to go home which is always a bit of a relief. Some played last man standing - they may still be going.

Good wholesome fun - look forward to doing it next year, just might not tell Kate.

Club Dinner

Another reminder of the Club Dinner which is only two weeks away. As well as a good bit of scran, an elegant sufficiency of booze and the friendships of your club mates, our main speaker is the legendary Scottish, Barbarians and Lions icon Iain Milne - "The Bear". Definitely not to be missed.

Of course our immediate past captain Jamie McCann will be dispensing words of wisdom and dispensing only words will be Joe Smith as he toasts the club. Tickets in the region of £40 for the night.

Gentlemen of the North Tournament

A final reminder of another groundbreaking Northern event this Saturday. Our Gents team are hosting ENRFC inaugural international age group Ten a Side tournament where 6 teams of over 35s will battle it out to become the first winners of “The Gentlemen of the North (GOTN) Cock(erel) Cup”. The participation of Blue Brothers from Hungary ensures an international flavour to the proceedings. Indeed, the tournament kicks off with GOTN v Blue Brothers at 1.00pm. Teams from Dalkeith, North Berwick, Mackie and an invitation melange make up the six valiant pensioner Tens.

Bar open at midday so make your way to support this branch of your club as they set off on what they plan to be an annual event.

A final joke from forever youthful blog collaborator Uncle Joe -

"Think I forgot to mention another of my Dad’s ventures when he decided to take over a zoo. Predictably, it failed. Well to be fair he only had one animal on display - a dog. It was a shitzu. Drink responsibly."

Yours in rugby,

ENRFC

Michael Mawdsley